一直以來對於開場白都有著那一種懼怕,腦袋裡總會閃過很多億的東西,比如對社會的看法,周遭的人,面對的事,和很多不能改變或又是被強迫改變的事.
你問我為什麼這麼年輕就出來社會,我又不是說對讀書沒有那種動力,也稱不上在課業上很厲害的那種. 我只能說,等你踏進這社會,開始工作時,你就會對學業有著一種'結束'的心態. 偶爾因為工作煩累,會想說離開去進修些別的科系,趁自己還年輕,還有體力有青春,可不否試試看. 可能說金錢上會有問題,但不至於到放棄的地步.
對我來說,二十一二歲是人生的高峰,我是指人生會來到一個很不一樣的階段,可能你剛畢業,又或是你被工作磋磨著,家庭也正需要你,你離不開,走不了. 一個二十幾的人,曾經年少的心臟,被掏出來放在空氣裡,它是多麼脆弱,卻要去接受,去適應這種壓力,久而久之因堅強太久而長了茧,因常包覆在外的一層外殼而覺得很疲累. 再失去感覺,麻木地一天天過著同樣的生活,看似正常的生活,非常規律,卻是有如殭屍般行走,有誰不想自己還能擁有機會的能力.
家庭本是小康之家,說不上來但總算吃得飽住的暖. 要到外去闖不是說一兩天能決定的事,父母工作的薪金就只是夠用,也很慶幸父親在我出社會就不再給我多餘的零用錢,年輕卻得什麼都靠自己的我,跟其他人比起來我已經很幸福了,根本就沒資格談得上生活過得多累.
如果說,再給自己一次去到外面的機會,放棄工作,放棄這裡的生活,我會選擇寫作. 靠譜,可笑. 這看起來根本就是一個想也知道不能實現的理想. 年少無知,會有一個念頭常常跑進腦子裡,因為都不曾被人了解過,為什麼不能藉著寫的方式讓別人讀出自己的心聲與感受. 在讀著一本代表作者心情的書,看到結尾而感嘆的心情,會是多麼美麗的事.
有太多說要說,有太多夢無法實現,太多的事要去做. 要一直對別人擺出副很堅強的樣子,不能就這麼妥協,相信就能實現在心裡的每一個夢. 頭腦幾億個細胞不斷生長了又消失,保持一直很想感謝的心態,我想不放棄的追求一個夢.
23.7.13
#life #dad #experience #godlove
My father, he's a fierce man to me, or maybe to every my friends, cousins and outsiders. I actually didn't have gut to talk to him, and didn't want to look at his eyes and ask anyth I want, I will totally go get it myself. Then you might be asking me why? If you knew me, you'll know why. But less of them didn't know the main reason.
Today during lunch time, I drive my car and wanna get home faster, or maybe it's everytime when it reach 12:00, I felt super excited I don't know why LOL. And then I get in the car and drive, I didn't see the car infront, I thought it had turn, then I fuucking go and knocked his car's butt. What a lucky day again? In the same place, doing the same action, but this time I really feel lucky, uh yes lucky to spend extra money in extra place. Then the guy ask for my numba and ask me to pay him $100, okay for me maybe it's really cheap lah. Then I'm so scared, I only dare to tell my mom I got little accident again-.- I beg her not to tell daddy about this matter, of course maybe he will know it soon, so I decide to hide.
After knock off, I back home and bathe then had dinner quickly. He was outside playing golf in garden, I prayed he never see the scar of my car, hopefully lah.
Today was so busy, and unlucky. Needa do alot of works, aiya regretted that I didn't do the 10/1 dedication in church. Just that last week pastor just taught us about this, and said if we didn't make it, God will punish us with some expenses, like now :/
I really glad that I finally experienced all the rubbish in my life, yea and there's still have alot of rubbish out there waiting for me. Yes I am not the down type like having a bad life and keep asking god why. Things happended and all you need to do is to settle it down, it's hard for you sometime, but if you get over it, you'll be proud of yourself, and clap and thanks God. :)
God bless all of you, and have a nice day.
Today during lunch time, I drive my car and wanna get home faster, or maybe it's everytime when it reach 12:00, I felt super excited I don't know why LOL. And then I get in the car and drive, I didn't see the car infront, I thought it had turn, then I fuucking go and knocked his car's butt. What a lucky day again? In the same place, doing the same action, but this time I really feel lucky, uh yes lucky to spend extra money in extra place. Then the guy ask for my numba and ask me to pay him $100, okay for me maybe it's really cheap lah. Then I'm so scared, I only dare to tell my mom I got little accident again-.- I beg her not to tell daddy about this matter, of course maybe he will know it soon, so I decide to hide.
After knock off, I back home and bathe then had dinner quickly. He was outside playing golf in garden, I prayed he never see the scar of my car, hopefully lah.
Today was so busy, and unlucky. Needa do alot of works, aiya regretted that I didn't do the 10/1 dedication in church. Just that last week pastor just taught us about this, and said if we didn't make it, God will punish us with some expenses, like now :/
I really glad that I finally experienced all the rubbish in my life, yea and there's still have alot of rubbish out there waiting for me. Yes I am not the down type like having a bad life and keep asking god why. Things happended and all you need to do is to settle it down, it's hard for you sometime, but if you get over it, you'll be proud of yourself, and clap and thanks God. :)
God bless all of you, and have a nice day.
22.7.13
22072013.
有时我觉得我真的很有神的恩宠. 不管我在哪里,做些什么,或和谁一起,我都会有比别人多的祝福.
今天呢,很开心能够和经理像朋友般聊天,虽然在同事眼里被叫进去房里是件很孬的事,可是他们就是不懂,我跟经理的那份情,真的很奇妙. 可能会被警告不要有事没事就进去经理房间走走,但如果一间公司不能像家那样关系融洽,留下来又有何意义? 感谢说,有一个师母经理,能够冷静地处理大小事,也能够借着祷告来转化环境.
生活就该有起起落落,有时候你的太完美会成为别人眼里那根钉,因为嫉妒心强,而心里的那只魔鬼又会出来作怪了. 我不能怪谁虚假谁防备心强谁害了谁,这都是为了自我保护而形成. 这也并非我的正义感太爱出来搞局,而是对于那些常常带上面具处事的人,怎么能把自己给出卖就为了那一点丁的荣耀? 话虽如此,我真的深深厌恶附有编造谎言能力的人,真的不值得被原谅.
有时真不知该为自己所做的感到光荣还是讨厌,恨自己的完美害到别人犯罪,惹他们搞出小动作来. 其实最该死的是自己,如果能平等一些就不会有很多细小的争执了. 爱都被埋没了,就算一人使劲全力弥补,也无法敌过那强大的恶势力啊. 该怎么办呢?
13.7.13
Flightless bird fell again.
我應該早就要知道你們在很早以前就放棄我了
就算我來到了這世上又怎麼樣
也不足已證明,我是被愛的.
有完沒完?
難道你們都不會累的嗎?
哈,你們對我都不滿意
我很不開心你懂不懂,
我不管是一個人的錯還是兩個
因為你們都不管啊
我知道我很不完美,但我都盡量做到最好
其實我想要的快樂很簡單
我很脆弱,我在母腹受傷了
我不會是你們的完美孩子
你的一言一舉,我看在眼裡
你們可以不必在乎我,但對我的態度能不能改一改
我不想因為我被你們拒絕了,
你來哄我,我又心軟了,然後又原諒你們
你們是不能彌補我心深處的傷的
就算我來到了這世上又怎麼樣
也不足已證明,我是被愛的.
有完沒完?
難道你們都不會累的嗎?
哈,你們對我都不滿意
我很不開心你懂不懂,
我不管是一個人的錯還是兩個
因為你們都不管啊
我知道我很不完美,但我都盡量做到最好
其實我想要的快樂很簡單
我很脆弱,我在母腹受傷了
我不會是你們的完美孩子
你的一言一舉,我看在眼裡
你們可以不必在乎我,但對我的態度能不能改一改
我不想因為我被你們拒絕了,
你來哄我,我又心軟了,然後又原諒你們
你們是不能彌補我心深處的傷的
25.6.13
3.6.13
金屬疲勞
一個是愛得非常深的人
一個是藏在心裡來愛的人
一個是打打罵罵,鬥鬥嘴的人
一個溫柔體貼了解你的人
一個有著你跟他的愛的回憶
一個只有你和他的曖昧關係
一個你想念到無法工作的人
一個你心情差而想到的人
一個是你們在一起你可以很爽的做自己
一個是你有所保留但談起來非常搭的人
一個你很想打他揍他卻又忍不下手的人
一個你想對他說出你內心感受又卻做不到的人
一個你想故意去忘記他的存在但做不到的人
一個你永遠都會放在心裡,偶爾拿出來想的人
一個你真的有時很受不了他脾氣而想丟掉的人
一個你真的受不了你們的不搭而放棄思念的人
一個你想放棄另一個因為累了而尋找的那個人
一個你可以拋開是是非非而抓你回來的那個人
留下很多很多回憶的人,
跟那個還沒有開始有任何回憶的人.
一個擁有回憶的美
一個擁有未得到的美
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